


want to be wanted

by sxndazed



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Racism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:35:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22072636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxndazed/pseuds/sxndazed
Summary: "What are you afraid of?"He looks up and meets her eyes. She'll prod until he answers, but she wants him to answer without having her do so.He sighs."I'm afraid of not being enough."
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 13
Kudos: 45





	want to be wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: This fic features mental health issues, implicit/explicit racism, and homophobia. It deals with Blaine struggling with race, sexuality, and acceptance. This is the product of me projecting on a fictional character a hell of a lot. It's semi-canon compliant (mostly ignoring what happens in S4 and after). 
> 
> It's been a struggle to write this, but I liked how it turned out. I hope you like it too.

There's a flyer for an Asian/Pacific Islander student group hanging on the bulletin board outside of the auditorium. 

Blaine looks at it for a couple seconds before pulling out his phone to snap a picture of it. There's a meeting tonight at 6 pm, and he figures he'll check it out. He sends a text to Kurt saying he'll be home a bit later tonight. When he gets the okay, he walks off to his next lecture.

He leaves his group meeting for a project at 5:50 pm and makes his way to the room where the student group is being held. The door is open when he gets there, and he can hear the chatter coming from the room. He peeks through the doorway and sees everyone settling into their seats. 

He runs a hand through his hair, breaking through the small amount of gel left. He's about to step in when he feels someone tap his shoulder.

"Hey man, you lost? Study rooms are over to the left."

Blaine turns around and meets the concerned gaze of the guy behind him. He feels himself flush, and he wants to shake his head and retort.

_No, I'm here for the meeting._

_I'm not lost, I'm just nervous._

_I wanted to come here; can't you tell?_

_I think I'm where I'm supposed to be._

Instead, he smiles.

"No, I was just curious about the chatter."

"Oh, sorry about that! It'll probably be quieter when the door's closed."

The guy walks through the doorway before adding, "Have a goodnight man!"

He's already set his backpack down on a table and starts catching up with the rest of the people when Blaine replies, "You too."

***

Blaine thinks about when he's six and hears someone say, "What is _that?_ " when he pulls out his lunch. 

It's a plastic bag with a bread bun with pork floss all over the top. He picked it out when he was out with his mom running errands in Columbus over the weekend, and she decided to stop by the Asian bakery. Blaine loves it when he gets to go because they don't go very often, and they have so many things he rarely gets to have.

He loves the sweetness of the pork floss with the soft pillowy bread; it feels like a treat.

His eyes are bright when he hears someone asks, but when he looks up from his bag, he realizes it was out of disgust rather than curiosity. The boy across the table a few seats down from Blaine has his mouth twisted into a frown as he pulls out a sandwich from his bag (ham and American cheese on white bread).

"You're _weird._ "

The boy doesn't look at him for the rest of the lunch period. Blaine nibbles on his bun, but it doesn't really feel like a treat anymore.

The next time he goes to the grocery store, he lingers by the deli meats and the Lunchables. He doesn't see how a couple of slices of meat and cheese with crackers are better, but everyone else seems to like it. Blaine tugs on his mom's sleeve, and her eyes follow his fingers pointing down at the plastic packages. She doesn't say anything, but she grabs a couple and puts them in the cart with a sad smile.

(He puts together turkey and cheddar on a cracker during lunch a few days later.)

***

Blaine thinks about when he's ten and does a class presentation on his family and heritage. 

It's part of the school district's efforts to be multicultural and show appreciation for everyone. It doesn't work out that well when more than half of the class is white.

He stands up in front of the class and tells them about being half-Filipino. He tells them about the food his mom cooks and how learning to use chopsticks was hard but fun. He shows pictures he glued into the little booklet the teacher made them fill out, and it gets passed around the class.

When he finishes, he stays at the front for questions because the teacher said to.

When he hears, "You don't look Asian though," he shrinks into himself.

"But I am!"

They don't seem to believe him though. He can see their doubt, and he starts to hunch more and his face is getting warm and why don't they _believe him._

"Is that really your mom?"

"You don't look like her."

"I thought you were white!"

His cheeks are burning, and he doesn't know how else to deal with it except by saying he is Asian. He doesn't know what else to say except that he does look like his mom, and he sees it when he brushes through his hair that's thick and glossy and when he smiles and his eyes squint and he's so _happy._

He doesn't say any of that though. He just stands there and wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

His teacher steps in and thanks him for his presentation before sending the next person up. When Blaine takes his seat, everyone else has moved on and is listening to Jess talk in the front, but he's still thinking about what just happened. He repeats everything he heard over and over in his head, and he wonders why he feels _so awful._

His mom is getting ready for a dinner party later that evening while Blaine sits on the bathroom counter. Her hair is in waves with a floral clip to pin it back. She tight lines her eyes, and the mascara she puts on fans out her lashes even more so. She puts on a lip gloss and smiles when she sees Blaine watching her in the mirror.

"Look okay?"

"Yeah."

She's radiant when she smiles, and Blaine's chest aches when he remembers what people said in class today.

"Mom?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Do I look like you?"

She turns to look at him and gently ruffles his hair.

"Of course, you do! You're my little boy after all."

He smiles in return and follows her out of the bathroom. Of course, he looks like her. _Of course._

(Of course, is what he tells himself when people ask who she is when they see her. 

She's his mom. 

Of course, is what he tells himself when they don't really believe him.)

***

When Blaine tells Laurie about the student group at their next session, she's quiet.

She watches him intently and always waits for him to finish his thoughts, no matter how many pauses he takes. 

"I don't need to join it anyway. I have a lot on my plate."

Blaine looks down and twists his hands in his lap, pulling on the sleeves. Laurie keeps watching him.

She asks, "What are you afraid of?"

"I don't know."

"Blaine," she chides.

He looks up and meets her eyes. She'll prod until he answers, but she wants him to answer without having her do so.

He sighs.

"I'm afraid of not being enough."

"Enough?"

He thinks about the looks he got when he brought anything remotely unfamiliar for lunch. 

He thinks about the looks he got when he told people he's half-Filipino and therefore, Asian.

He thinks about how that guy's first instinct was to ask if he was lost rather than ask if he was there for the meeting.

He thinks about how he isn't Asian enough for most people, but he's not White enough either.

Laurie knows. She's perceptive as hell even when Blaine wishes she wouldn't be, but it's why he's been seeing her for this long. He knows she wants him to say it though.

"Enough of anything."

***

He's packing up after a study session for his music theory class when he notices Maria lingering around the table. 

"Hey, Blaine! Good session, huh?"

"Yeah, it was," he replies back.

When he looks up at her, he notices a flush in her cheeks and a twinkle in her eyes and his stomach sinks just a little.

"So, I was wondering.. Do you want to go out with me this weekend? After the exam? I was thinking we could get coffee."

She looks hopeful, and Blaine hates that he still has to do this.

"Oh, sorry Maria. But I-um, I'm married." He holds up his hand and the ring glimmers in the low-light of the room.

She ducks her head and sheepishly smiles, accepting defeat.

"She must be lucky."

"He, actually. And I think I'm the lucky one here." He twists his ring and smiles.

Maria smiles back and mutters a quick goodbye before she heads out the door. Blaine waits a few moments, making sure everything is packed up and the room is all clean, before leaving the library. He pulls out his phone and hits dial.

"Hey you. Done studying?"

Blaine can't help but smile when hearing his husband's voice.

"Yeah, I'm on my way home now. Keep me company while I walk?"

"Of course. Mind if I tell you about my day?"

They chatter for the fifteen minutes it takes for Blaine to walk to the subway station. They exchange anecdotes from their days (Kurt with the designs he's working on and Blaine with the new student production they're doing), and he can hear something cooking on the stove while they're talking. 

He's outside of the station when he tells Kurt, "I gotta go. See you soon! Love you!" 

"I'll finish dinner. Be safe! Love you!" He hears a quick _muah_ before a click. 

Blaine pockets his phone and rushes down the steps to head home.

He unlocks and opens the door with a flourish and yells out, "honey, I'm home!"

He drops his bag off by his desk and walks into the kitchen, his arms coming around Kurt's waist. Kurt turns his head and gives him a peck before turning his attention back to dinner.

Blaine still has his arms around Kurt as they shuffle through the kitchen for him to grab a couple of bowls and a ladle.

"Blaine."

"Hmm?"

"This would be easier if you let go for a second," he chuckles.

"Noooooo," he whines. Blaine closes his eyes and rubs his face into Kurt's shoulder.

He keeps his arms there as Kurt lifts the lid off the pot and ladles their dinner. The smell fills the room, and Blaine opens his eyes, moving his chin to rest on Kurt's shoulder.

"Sinigang?" he asks in awe.

"Yeah. I know you miss your mom's cooking, and it's your favourite when it's getting cold."

He continues to fill up the bowls, and Blaine can't help it when his eyes well up. 

He snuggles back into Kurt's back and mumbles, "thank you."

Blaine feels him lean in before pulling away and handing him a bowl. Kurt drops a kiss on his nose and uses his free hand to swat his ass. 

"C'mon, dinner time. You have to take your meds soon."

"Yes, sir," he teases.

He's halfway through his bowl when he brings up what happened earlier.

"Maria asked me out today."

"The one in your study group?"

"Yeah."

Kurt hums. Blaine fidgets.

"You're just too charming for your own good, Anderson."

There's a teasing lilt in his voice that makes Blaine blush.

He brushes his foot against Kurt's and teases back, "that's Anderson-Hummel to you."

"You're still too charming. Good thing you're mine."

He feels Kurt's foot against his, and the smile Kurt gives him warms him down to his toes.

"Yours."

***

_"You don't know what it's like to be your boyfriend."_

He didn't think about their relationship like that, not when Kurt hurled those words at him. It stung, knowing that his boyfriend felt that it was hard to be with him. He never wanted it to be like that, but he guesses it was.

Blaine had everything in Kurt's eyes. He got the solos, the duets, the leading roles. He was invited to spend time with the guys, and no one laughed when he kissed Rachel. No one questioned his ability to play Tony or if he could be a front man. He was accepted, and he knows how much Kurt wanted to be.

Kurt thought of him as Prince Charming. He had the perfect set of manners and found himself helping out when he could. He didn't have to fight tooth and nail to be in the spotlight--he walked into it.

But it took a lot to get to this point.

It took years before Blaine felt comfortable in his own skin to dress how he wanted. He thinks about when he started middle school and suddenly people cared about their looks.

He hears the way people talk about him, the way they talk _to him._

His clothes don't really change--Blaine has always made sure to dress well. He likes colours and patterns and looking put together. His collection of bow ties has grown over the years, and he finds himself wearing one more often than not. He has soft shirts and chunky cardigans that make him feel cozy and shorts and t-shirts for when it's too warm out. He likes how he dresses, and he's confident about it. 

Other people don't seem to like it though.

He takes his seat in math and pulls out his notebook and pencil case. It's while he's getting settled that he hears it.

"Dude that's _gay._ "

He looks up and sees Matt with a grimace on his face as he walks past and knocks Blaine's pencil onto the ground. He hears him laugh with the rest of his friends in the back, a "nice one" thrown into the mix of chatter. 

Blaine's wearing a maroon bow tie with white hearts all over it. He thought it would make his outfit (white polo and black jeans) more fun and interesting. He tugs at the tie and feels flushed through the rest of the period.

(When he gets home, he takes the tie off and puts it in the back of his drawer. He doesn't wear it again for years.)

Blaine thinks about when he would see his extended family over the holidays. He remembers the innocent comments of how he's _such a charming young man_ and how he'll definitely be _a ladies man._

He remembers the Christmas after he came out and got beat up for bringing a boy to the Sadie Hawkins dance and how his aunt still asked if he had a girlfriend yet.

He remembers how stiff his dad acted when the whole thing happened and how it feels like there's a gaping hole between the two of them. There's a bridge that's always been there, and Blaine's waving a sign that says _talk to me_ but his dad never bothers to. Blaine feels him pull away, and he feels helpless because he's _still Blaine._

He's still himself, isn't he?

***

"Does your fear of not being enough extend to other parts of your life then?"

"You know it does, Laurie."

She rolls her eyes. "I only know what you tell me, Blaine."

He fiddles with the cuff of his sleeves and twists the ring on his finger. He takes a breath.

"Yes."

"How else?" she asks.

Blaine tells her about the fight he had with Kurt, about the differences in their experiences growing up gay and how it affected their relationship.

He tells her about Maria asking him out, about the frustration of how he isn't seen as gay even though it's not her fault. How is she supposed to know he's married to the absolute love of his life, and he's known he's gay since he was a child and that his straight-passing privilege makes him so grateful and so annoyed.

He hates that people see him out with Kurt and Tina and assume he's with Tina despite the way he curls into the space next to Kurt. He hates that he has to remind people, that he's palatable enough to be one of the guys but still an afterthought because he isn't manly *enough.* He hates that Kurt felt like he was in Blaine's shadow when Kurt steals every scene he's ever in and shines so much brighter than Blaine ever could.

Passing for straight is a privilege he knows other people wish they had, but sometimes he wishes he didn't just blend in and that he's enough on his own.

***

When he gets home after getting his diagnosis, he calls his mom.

She's quiet when he tells her he has anxiety and depression. He has a prescription for antidepressants and an appointment with a therapist every week. 

The silence lingers even after he's done talking. He sits there, clutching the phone, and waits for her response.

"Is it our fault?"

His chest feels too tight, and his head starts to hurt.

"No, mom. Tell dad for me though?"

She reluctantly agrees, then changes the topic to talk about a family friend. Blaine lets her, but her anecdote doesn't distract him from the thought in his head.

_You didn't help though._

***

Blaine is four when he watches _The Sound of Music_ for the first time. He falls in love with Julie Andrews and _knows_ that this is what he wants to do when he grows up. He wants to sing and dance and make people smile like that.

He runs up and down the stairs and across the living room because there isn't a hill around and sings. He asks his parents for more "movies with songs" and finds himself falling in love with every one he watches. 

His parents pay for piano lessons, and he learns so quickly that it impresses them. He throws on a little performance every Christmas for their holiday party, and he shines when he sees how proud his parents are.

Blaine is seven when his dad takes him to his first OSU game. He has a little flag in one hand and a rare cup of soda in the other. He cheers when they score, and he shares a smile with his dad when their eyes meet. It's fun and he loves it and it makes his dad happy.

They try to make it to at least one game every season.

Blaine is fifteen when he transfers to Dalton Academy. He sets his bags in his room and walks his parents out. His mom gives him a sad smile and hugs him tightly.

"Take care of yourself okay? Be safe."

"Okay, mom."

She kisses his cheek and ruffles his hair. His dad brings a hand to his shoulder and squeezes. 

Blaine stands in the doorway and watches them walk down the hall and leave before closing the door. 

He slowly unpacks, putting his clothes in the dresser and getting his bag ready for tomorrow. He puts his OSU flag in the pencil holder on his desk and organizes his CDs. Lastly, he pulls out his uniform and carefully hangs it in the closet.

He has a hard time sleeping that night. The twin bed is stiff, and his sheets are a little thin. His thoughts are spinning out of control, and he wishes they would just shut up.

He doesn't want to think about the hushed conversation he heard from his parents while he was in the hospital. He doesn't want to think about how his broken ribs and the bruises on his skin are _his fault_ because he didn't listen to them.

He doesn't want to think about how his parents started to pull away ever since he came out. He doesn't want to think about his dad's efforts to get him to rebuild a car in hopes that doing something "manly" would somehow make him straight.

He doesn't want to think about the disappointment in his parents' eyes when said the words "I'm gay" and the lack of warmth in his mom's responding "I love you."

He doesn't want to think about the broken whisper of "I wish he wasn't gay" in the hospital room when they thought he was asleep.

Instead, he thinks about what his mom said before leaving.

_"Be safe."_

Be safe, as if he asked to get kicked in the ribs when he was leaving school with a boy.

Be safe, as if he asked to be looked at like he was somehow less than by people he's known for years just because he likes dick.

Be safe, as if he ever asked to not be.

When he wakes up the next morning, he puts on his uniform and styles his hair with a little too much gel.

Be safe it is.

***

Blaine is sixteen when he becomes the lead soloist of the Warblers. 

The stage becomes his safe place. It's where he loses himself in the music and basks in the spotlight because no one can tell him he doesn't belong there. He proves himself day after day, song after song. 

He invites his parents to every performance, every competition. They rarely show, but he emails them the information every time and his eyes dart around the audience because hope never leaves him.

Sixteen is also when he meets Kurt.

From the moment their eyes met and their hands touched, Blaine was enamoured. When he sings _Teenage Dream_ and sees the adoring look Kurt's face, he finds himself determined to see that look as often as possible, even if he doesn't quite know why.

He doesn't realize that he builds up a facade to do it. He doesn't realize that he creates an image of himself that makes him feel desirable, that makes him feel like he's enough.

It comes crashing down when Kurt sees through it, and he's somehow missed the fact that Kurt isn't just a friend. After the incident with Jeremiah, Blaine breaks out of his facade and eases back into his skin. His insecurities and anxieties are present, but Kurt doesn't shy away from them. He embraces them, and Blaine wonders how he could ever be so foolish to think whatever he had with Jeremiah was love.

When they kiss for the first time over a bejeweled coffin, Blaine finally feels like he's home.

***

Blaine isn't foolish enough to think that meeting the love of his life will get rid of all of his problems, but it does help. 

He doesn't think about his insecurities when he's kissing Kurt. He doesn't feel overly anxious when they're cuddled up on the bed watching a movie or singing along to whatever's playing. He doesn't struggle with the idea of his worth when his mouth is around Kurt's cock or he's fucking into Blaine.

But there are times when it hits him at full force. 

They'll be having breakfast when he runs a hand through his hair and curses its unruliness because how could Kurt ever find it attractive? They'll be rehearsing for glee when Rachel makes an offhand comment about how he and Kurt are minorities only because they're gay, and Blaine can't find it in himself to correct her and say he's half-Filipino too because he's tired--that doesn't mean it doesn't sting. He'll be lying in bed awake at night and wonder why he's still there when it would be so much easier if he wasn't.

When Blaine finds himself eating too much and feeling too inadequate and sleeping more than he should and losing interest in the things he loves, he knows something's wrong.

He talks to Kurt about it because how can he not? Before anything else, Kurt is his best friend and knows him better than anyone. Blaine is wrapped in a cocoon of blankets, courtesy of Kurt, with a cup of tea in his hands and Kurt's feet shoved under his thigh. He talks about wanting to eat more cronuts than necessary and feeling tired all the time despite getting at least seven hours on most days. He talks about looking in the mirror and hating what he sees and wondering why Kurt is still there when New York has so much more to offer than Ohio ever did. He talks about how he feels like he's struggling, and he feels like he's letting his parents down, even though they don't seem to care enough. He talks and talks until he breaks into tears, and he heaves and hiccups because everything hurts and it doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense because he's with the love of his life in the city of his dreams doing something he loves. He's so damn lucky to be where he is, and fuck if it doesn't suck to feel like he's being dragged under when he's spent so much time trying to stay afloat when things were worse before. The guilt creeps into him and fills his entire being because _why isn't he happy?_

Kurt sits there quietly the entire time. When Blaine starts crying, he takes the mug from his hands and pulls him to his chest and wraps his arms around him. His hands rub up and down Blaine's arms, and he's soothed by the motion. When he calms down, he looks up and sees Kurt's eyes filled with tears. 

"'m sorry."

He drops his gaze, and Kurt tightens his arms around him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Blaine. _Nothing._ "

He feels Kurt's finger under his chin and tilts his head up.

"You hear me Blaine? You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You're going to get through this because you're the strongest person I know. I promise I will be there every step of the way, if you want me that is."

Blaine pulls his hands out of the blanket and cups Kurt's face, bringing their lips together in a kiss. He feels his lips part in a gasp and deepens the kiss with his tongue. He pulls away slowly, ending the kiss with a peck, and brushes the tears away from Kurt's eyes.

"I'll always want you. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Kurt laughs. "Well, we are getting married."

"Damn right we are."

***

He's lucky that the first therapist he sees is one he clicks with. Laurie is kind but willing to be stern when she needs to be. She gives him time to ease into every session. Two months in, Blaine feels like he can breathe again. 

Classes become less of a struggle and treating himself to a pastry or two doesn't fill him with shame--it feels like a treat again.

His meds take some getting used to. He struggles with not feeling any changes at all, and then feeling *too much* when the dose increases. The side effects can leave him feeling off for at least a week, and he hates snapping at Kurt while he tries to get used to it. He switches his medication twice before finding one that works well enough for him, and even then it's not a perfect match. It keeps him functioning, so he settles on it for now. 

He tries to work on his relationship with his parents. His dad doesn't get it, still doesn't get it after all these years, and his diagnosis doesn't help. His mom tries, but he knows she's struggling to understand. They care, Blaine knows they do, but sometimes he feels like he's still being left behind because it's just easier. He works it into monthly phone calls enough for it to be the norm for his mom to ask about his progress, but it doesn't get any better than that.

He finds himself okay with it.

And a year into it, Blaine gets married.

They file the paperwork in New York and have the ceremony back in Lima. They're on a student budget, so it isn't the grand wedding that Kurt dreamed of as a child, but everyone they love is there and they're _in love and happy_. Besides, they can splurge with the vow renewal. 

Sometimes things don't always go well. Their fights get worse when they're married. Their anxieties conflict and while they're good at working through it, it's hard when they're both dealing with it at the same time. They're explosive and their words seem to cut deeper than before but making up is quicker and more efficient. They've learned to communicate better as the years passed, and therapy doesn't hurt either. 

They get through it together, and Blaine is _so grateful_.

***

"Blaine."

"Yes?"

"You're never going to completely feel like you're enough."

He noticeably jerks at the statement but otherwise stays silent.

"I don't mean it in a bad way, Blaine."

"How do you mean it then?" he asks.

"There are times when you're fine right? You know you're where you want to be and nothing else matters."

He nods.

"But you fall down that hole of wondering if you're enough. You think and think and overthink until it wrecks you. Then, when you're ready, you build yourself back up until you fall back down again."

"I hate doing that though. I *hate* feeling like I'm making progress and then end up falling back."

"Blaine. You are making progress."

"Doesn't feel like it," he mumbles.

" _You are._ But that doesn't change the fact that sometimes, no matter what you do, there are things out of your control.

You are never going to get the validation you want from your parents, Blaine. You can try, and they can try, but they probably won't change their ways. I _hope_ they prove me wrong, but you can't live your life for their approval because it probably won't come out the way you want it to.

People are going to get their perception of you wrong. That's just how it works. If people's perceptions weren't faulted then life would be easier, but it will be wrong at times.

It will catch you off guard, and it will probably disappoint you. What you can do, is work on letting it go. Know when to put value on people's words and actions. It's not a perfect system, but it will be easier for you."

He tugs on his sleeves and nods.

"Blaine, you are more than what other people think. You define yourself based on what other people say and see. You define yourself based on what your parents think, what your peers think, and even what Kurt thinks. You mould yourself into someone you think they want, but you have to stop."

He sucks in a breath, and Laurie waits a few moments before asking, "Who are you here for?"

He answers immediately, "Myself."

"Then you only need to be enough for yourself. Not for anyone else."

Blaine feels his chest tighten, and his eyes well up. He fists his sleeves and rubs them against his eyes.

" _Thank you,_ " he exhales.

"Of course. I'll let you go now, okay?"

They stand up, and she walks him to the door.

"See you next week, Blaine. Take care."

"See you, Laurie."

She smiles before ushering him out. 

***

On his way home, Blaine stops by their favourite bakery and buys a Danish to share with Kurt. He tucks it into his bag and makes his way to the subway. He's got his keys in hand when he reaches their building, a small warbler dangling off the ring and keeping his keys company, and unlocks the door to their apartment. 

He hangs his keys on the hook and sees Kurt dozing on the couch. He puts his bag down and sits down carefully to avoid waking him up. Blaine gently cups Kurt's face in his hands and pecks him on the lips before leaving kisses across his cheeks and down his jaw. He shifts and climbs into his lap, his kisses gradually moving down to his neck. He focuses on the spot just below his ear, nipping and sucking at the skin. He smirks when he feels Kurt's hands come up to grasp his waist and hears the groan come out of his mouth.

"Hey there, sleepy."

Kurt brings his face up to kiss Blaine, long and slow, before answering back.

"Hey, you. How'd it go?"

"Okay, I think. Laurie said some stuff that I need to think about more."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I think I'm making progress."

Kurt tightens his grip around his waist, his thumbs going under the waistline of his pants and gently brushing against his hip bone. 

"I'm proud of you, y'know?"

"I hoped. I always want to be someone you're proud of."

"Well, you don't seem to be having any trouble with that."

Blaine pulls Kurt in for another kiss that turns into two, to three, to four, to an endless stream. They're so close that their lips are nearly touching when Blaine speaks.

"I bought a Danish. Wanna share?"

"With you? Always."

They get up from the couch, and Blaine rummages through his bag and hands the Danish to Kurt to heat up. Kurt heads over to the kitchen, and Blaine excuses himself to the bathroom.

He turns on the faucet and lets the water run until it's warm before washing his face. He grabs the towel off the rack, a graduation gift, and dries his face. His vision is blurred from the movement, and he hangs the towel back before looking in the mirror.

There are bags under his eyes, and his lips are chapped. His hair has broken out of the gel (mostly because he uses much less at Kurt's insistence), and he looks tired. But his eyes are bright and his cheeks are flushed and he looks better than he has. He's tired, and he doesn't know when he won't be, but it's him when he looks in the mirror.

Despite everything, it's still him.

He hears a ding before Kurt calls out, "It's ready!"

"Coming!" he answers back. 

He looks in the mirror one more time, and flicks the light off.

  
  
  



End file.
